True Grit…and More Musings from Being Stuck during the Snowstorm…

I think I may have gotten us an earlier flight back to New York City.  Fingers crossed.  However that same blizzard is now heading towards the midwest they day before our departure.  As much as I love getting out of the city, I’m kind of ready to get back into the swing of things and squeeze my fat ass back into spandex.

I went to the ever popular trashtastic “DEB” store in the mall and got an amazing pair of purple patent leather high heels that were only $7.00.  They will probably fall apart as soon as I try and wear them, but for $7.00, what should I expect.

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I saw True Grit -talk about a kick ass amazing movie.  The only problem I had with the movie was that for some reason I had thought that Jeff Bridges was Mickey Rourke…during the whole movie I’m thinking, “Good for Mickey, his career has really gotten back together since “The Wrestler”.  Then when the end credits came on, I said, “Jeff Bridges was in this-I thought he was Mickey Rourke?”  my family looked at me in horror and laughter-so did the elderly couple behind us.

That is what happens after being stuck in the midwest for more than a few days…my brain starts absorbing all of the sugar I’ve been bingeing on and making me lose brain cells.  How embarrassing.

Being stuck in Mid America has also provided me with too much time to indulge in retail therapy out of severe boredom.  I find myself buying such things that I’d never actually wear-ie; purple patent leather pumps, a bedazzled black tank, and thigh high-high heeled stripper boots-like really really slutty things that would make me look like a cougar.  After running out of enough clean underwear I had to break down and head over to target, where I bought horrific Hanes boxer briefs for women…actually they’re pretty comfortable, but, Hanes…omg…I never thought I’d be caught dead in a pair of full back mee-maw briefs.

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My chocolate intake has GREATLY decreased.  I’m still bingeing on carbohydrates, bread mainly and some mashed potatoes laden with sour cream, butter, cream cheese.

My obvious New Year’s resolution is going to be to cut back on the candy and drop ten pounds.  Valentines Day paraphernalia is already in the stores…but I’m looking the other way.

STUCK…A Flight Delayed for SIX days..and a new blog series…

I have decided to blog about things that are a total rip-off as part of a new series.

I have learned from making some bad impulse buys and last minute lousy purchases: ie, Minus 5, Halo Salt Spa…and now in the midst of holiday air travel, I was lured into “The Presidents Club”…you know…those airport lounges that are private, behind closed doors?  It’s like going to a nightclub in the airport, but umm…totally not really…except with a super high cover charge with very little amenities.

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At $50 a PERSON I was expecting a red carpet to be rolled out for us when we arrived at The Presidents Club, but no…I have included a video of me sitting angrily in the “regular” waiting area surrounded by screaming children-and the picture above is KIND of similar to what “The Presidents Club” was like, except, not as nice of course.

With that $50 a person you get all of the mini cheese blocks, apples, crackers, coffee, soda, mini bags of chips, and free wifi that you can take.  Usually they provide “free” bagels, but alas they had run out for the day.  I should’ve just saved myself the cash and gotten Wifi from boingo, but no…a lesson learned the hard way.  There were no real freebies in “The Presidents Club”.  Before the recession, it was a good deal for the open bar-but now they charge $3.00 for well drinks, and $7-9 for top shelf stuff.  Although a glass of Veuve Champagne was only $7, if you had a frequent flier card…it was still a royal rip off.

When my flight was called to board, I grabbed a plastic bag and filled it to the brim with free cheese, crackers nutella, chips, etc…I did this with no shame in front of a family of four that was laughing at me, but I didn’t care-I will probably never see those people again and I wanted to get my money’s worth dammit!

FYI:  A yearly membership to “The President’s Club” is $475.

Next review, bottled water at TJMaxx for $5.00…wtf…really?

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My flight back into New York City was cancelled…they have rebooked me for a flight leaving in SIX days…omg…wtf…I’m going to gain a million pounds or drive myself crazy, or maybe even get some writing done…some quality writing.  When a flight is cancelled due to weather related issues, you’re pretty much screwed-they don’t usually put you up in a hotel.  I’m making the most out of being snowed out of NYC!

 

Review: Minus 5 Ice Bar in Las Vegas…another rip off…

I thought this would be a fitting review since it’s Christmas and this is about a cold bar.  A bar that is the biggest rip off in the entire world. Minus 5.  Again, I give the owner kudos…who is probably rolling around in a room full of cash somewhere in Aruba.

When I went to the bar, there was a $25 cover charge, that included ONE drink and the use of a coat and boots.  If you want a nice coat and boots, you can pay an extra fee and get “upgraded” so you’ll look like a real baller.  They make you leave your cell phones in a locker because they claim that the cold will “mess up phones”…bullsh*t I say. bullsh*t.  They make you leave your phones in the locker so you have to buy an annoying photo that they take of you looking like a douche using their photographer, who in our case never came to take a pic.

Since I wasn’t drinking any booze in Vegas (shocker, I know)…I asked if I could have a price reduction, they said no, so I basically paid $25 for a half can of Rockstar Energy Drink.  I do not understand though…in this pic above that I stole off the internet, it looks as if a small child is standing at the bar…did that child get a deal off of the cover?

Anyhoo…this place is a rip off, much like the Halo Salt Room in NYC.  My New York apartment is bigger than Minus 5, which is located in the “Mall” area of Mandalay Bay right by Urban Outfitters.  Only go to this bar if, A: Someone else is paying for you. or B: You’re already wasted off of your ass.

 

Halo Salt Spa Review…HALO…Hell NO!

Well I think the title of this entry says it all.  Just look at these reviews.  I was not offered a plushy bathrobe or any complimentary bottled water when I left.  I’m even wondering if the blankets were clean, or if they just re-folded them.  We were given blue “bootie” trash bags to wear on our feet.

I will say that since I did come in with a Groupon , they made an immediate judgement on that my friend and I were there for more as joke to check it out, rather than to actually make re-occuring visits.

So basically we spent an hour catching up in the salty room.  There wasn’t much to do…but it was slightly relaxing and I licked my arm after and it tasted salty…so did my lips…I licked the salt on the wall…which they said was edible (but not recommended, but of course I did it anyways!) it didn’t taste good…AT ALL…see video below.

Really now.  If you want to blow $100 for an hour long session (that’s their FULL price) and do something really “different” on a first date, or if you are over sitting in coffee shops, this may be for you.  Personally I thought it was a rip off, and I did cause a bit of a commotion when I scraped my shoe on the wall to see if the salt would come off…one of the “attendants” came in to see if we were okay.

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So all in all…Halo…oh helllll no!  I’ll give the creator and mastermind of this salt gimmick major kudos though.  This dude is probably lounging on a beach somewhere laughing all of the way to the bank.  What’s next…ice rooms?  I’ll review the Ice Lounge I went to in Vegas tomorrow…it just seems fitting.

HALO Salt Spa review coming TOMORROW…Vacation Time for Me!

Apparently A LOT of people are just dying to go sit in a room filled with salt because they were just booked to the brim until 9:00pm tonight.  So I made a “reservation” for tomorrow afternoon, and my bestie and I are going to just sit in the room and talk.  We were told we can have the “toy” room for kids, but they warned me that we’d be bored in it after a few minutes and that the furniture was too small and we most likely could not sit on the “salt” floor.  Oh this should be an interesting review tomorrow kiddos.  This is a portion of the confirmation email I received from them:

Disclaimer
Some restrictions do apply:
We cannot provide services to persons with the following medical classifications:
Tuberculosis (TB), individuals treated for Tuberculosis, individuals with cancer, coughing blood, nasal bleeding or blood in sputum, contagious ailments and individuals with non medicated high blood pressure.
Please be advised:
If you currently need the assistance of an oxygen tank to breath, are pregnant or have a respiratory disorder (i.e. COPD, severe asthma), we do require written consent from your primary care physician.

I don’t even know what COPD is…but I don’t think I have it…if I do..oh well!

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I am now on holiday!  Ah rejoice!  I won’t have to squeeze into my work uniform until January…look how thrilled I am in my Santa hat…Dear Lord, I hope I can fit in it after everything after the massive amounts of candy and carbohydrates I’ll be consuming over the next few days.

I’m Going to the HALO Salt “Spa” today!!!…

I think calling it a “spa” may be pushing it a bit, but I’ll certainly let you know what happens. Hopefully their services and ambiance will be as grandeur as their website .

You basically “sit” or “lay” in a room full of salt while you watch a plasma tv for an hour or so.  I’m not sure of the health benefits, but I have a coupon for two and my bestie and I are going to go check it out.

They also have rooms for kids with toys and games…but I asked if we could use that room and they said no. 😦

I’m hoping this won’t be like the “Ice Bar” we went to in the Mandalay Bay in Vegas…I suffered a bought of Red Bull rage there, due to my disappointment.  My friends intervened and I was not allowed anything with taurine in it for 90 minutes. Hmmm…perhaps I’ll write a review on that ice bar next.

Don’t let me down Halo.  Don’t let me down. PLEASE.

More details to come on Halo Salt Spa later.

REVIEW: Blueprint Cleanse…I’m OVER it.

Do me a favor…next time you see a blog post about me wanting to go on a juice fast, send me hate mail, or come and slap me.

Although I think the Blueprint Cleanse is a decent program, it’s not for me.  I have enough juice to last me the rest of next week at the  rate I’m going.  It’s supposed to “go bad” after 48 hours, but I’m not sure if that’s entirely true.

Maybe this is also a bit of resentment from the fact that I contacted them and said I’d be reviewing their product awhile ago, and I never heard back from them-and they “gave” another blogger a day of free juice for promoting them. (her blog most likely didn’t have “stripper” in the title of it though).

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My NEW personal website is up HERE You can also reach this blog there.  Eventually I’m combining the domains into one.

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I just had a ton of coffee and two cookies.  I still have juice in my fridge.

Blueprint Cleanse Juice Til Dinner Review…MODIFIED!

If you love food DO NOT DO this program unless you and your loved ones can stand your emotional upheavals and complaints about lack of LOTS of food for the amount of time you are on this.

I have decided that I will take the juice that I’ve been given and make my own modified version of The Blueprint Cleanse. So I’m taking “lemons” and turning it into “lemonade”…so to speak.

DAY ONE:

I followed the program pretty well the first day.  I ignored the “no coffee” rule and had six shots of espresso over ice with soy milk and 5 packets of Splenda.  Then I had the “green juice”, a raw juice “bar”, then a crap ton of soda water-sodium/calorie free, then some kind of yellow beet raw salad in tarragon sauce- then I don’t really know what happened, but I suddenly ate an entire box of chocolate chip cookies.  I felt sick, and they immediately exited my system through the opposite end.  I wasn’t hungry for the rest of the evening though which was great!  It was like I could have my cake and eat it too.

DAY TWO:

Even though I felt guilty about the box of cookies, I feel considerably lighter today and slimmer.  Once again I had my coffee concoction, green juice, raw juice bar-all within 2 hours of each other, then I had the delicious PAM-Pineapple, Apple, Mint-Juice, and some kind of raw kale salad with “Tahini” dressing (that was AMAZING because it was literally just melted peanut butter-seriously.).

Now I’m not SUPER hungry, but I’m probably going to have another juice in a few hours.  Since I am in the safety of my own apartment, and there is nothing here for me to eat except-juice-I think I am safe as long as I stay indoors and don’t watch any shows about real food on television.  My energy level is pretty decent, but I can tell I’ve been getting on people’s nerves today and I feel like I’m “high” on something.

So this juice thing was supposed to last only two days, but since I ate that box of cookies last night, in turn I saved enough juice to last me for at least two more days.

I’m treating this like the Slim Fast diet…where I drink the juice for breakfast and lunch, and maybe have cookies or candy for dinner if I want.  Anyways, cross your fingers for me.  Say a prayer that I won’t accidentally go out and run into a pizza or something.

An Open and Kind Letter of Congrats to Jennifer Love Hewitt on her Golden Globe Nomination…

Dear Jennifer Love Hewitt,

I just wanted to congratulate you on your nomination for your performance in “The Client List”.  I thought you did a great job in it.  I LOVE and LIVE FOR Lifetime movies.  My first reaction was “Omg…nominated for THAT?”…but after much thought and deliberation about the whole thing, I think it’s about time you get nominated for something.

You have made TWO cd’s and wrote a book.  I’m just really surprised that you weren’t nominated for the Audrey Hepburn movie and that you were for this.  Party of Five was great too, I hope that you’re friendly with that guy who’s on Celebrity Rehab right now from pO5, he could probably use some moral support.

Although we have never met, we have a mutual friend that you went to high school with in Texas, and one of my friends slept with your ex-boyfriends WAY after you guys broke up, and one of my exes worked for Carson Daly who I met a few times, (he seemed like a cool guy, but I think you can do much better)…we did literally cross paths at Vintage in Midtown once, but I think I gave you a dirty look.  I hope this blog makes up for that.

Love,

Randi

UPDATE: J-Love was on Law and Order SVU tonight…rock on Jenny!

Pre-Blueprint Cleanse-Pre-Review Part FOUR or FIVE

Did you know that the most common last meal on death row is breakfast?

If you google it, you’ll see…

There’s something really comforting about a plate of pancakes.  So that’s what I did today, because I’m supposed to start the Blueprint Cleanse Juice Til Dinner tomorrow.  Then for dessert I had challah French toast.  I have officially over-indulged in sugar and sweets until my cleanse is over in two (or fewer) days.

I have several people trying to intervene with my desires and attempt to go on the cleanse.  I forgot how crazy it made me…they have not.  I guess tomorrow morning I’ll be reminded.  Ugh…