Death or Chocolate and Other thoughts…

I ran into a good friend of mine that I haven’t seen in years the other day.  He’s a nurse, and he found a dead body in my apartment building only a few weeks ago.  I had a few conversations with the man that he had found.  He found him naked and passed out on the floor.  He had a heart attack.

Whenever someone in my apartment building dies they put up a little shrine to them in the lobby for a few weeks.  Usually people die in threes.  Well…I suppose that more than three people have died than that, as I sit here and type this blog.

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Well the Halloween candy in the stores just isn’t as fresh as it was at the beginning of the season.  Duane Reade is already putting up their Christmas decorations.  Now I can enjoy Reeses Peanut Butter Christmas Trees, rather than pumpkins…I wish Cadbury would come out with some kind of candy year round that was equivalent to their Eggs, but I suppose it wouldn’t be nearly as special.

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I fell in front of a crowded movie theater full of people today.  It was embarrassing and my knee hurts.  I’m going to have a hell of a bruise tomorrow.

I also won a raffle at Starbucks today.  Life is good.

Musical Interlude Time…

I’ve posted this song before, but maybe not with this video.  I hope this couple is still together.  Sweet…young love, at the skatepark.  It’s sweet and beautiful, makes me smile.

Fave Lyric: All I need is a little sign,
To get behind this sun and cast this weight of mine,
All I need is the place to find,
And there I’ll celebrate.

I used to strip to this song in Los Angeles at the haunted strip club.  I’d often get compliments from customers on how soothing the song was-it was an un-profitable song financially for stage tips, but I’m sure some people went out and downloaded it.  My feelings about the song now are 110% more optimistic than they were in Los Angeles. 🙂 ❤

 

Fake Clip on Hair…Usually a Bad Idea (at least for me)…

And time to chill out with a mellow song… Favorite Lyric from This Song: But as the scenery grows I see in different lights
The shades and shadows undulate in my perception
My feelings swell and stretch I see from greater heights
I realize what I am now too smart to mention, to you

Wasn’t there recently a full moon this weekend?  Maybe I wasn’t thinking clearly when I impulsively spent $40 on my Ken Paves and Jessica Simpson clip on bangs.  I am NOT dissing their product by any means.  Maybe clip on hair is just not for me.

“Is that a wig?”  a customer asked me tonight.

“No, it’s not, they’re clip on bangs…would you like me to take them off and show you?”

“Uhh…no…that’s okay.”  He said he was getting up to grab me a drink…then came back with two other girls.  I guess the bangs were a dealbreaker.

Does anyone want my clip-on bangs?  Perhaps I shall have a contest and raffle them off.  Sorry it’s not something more exciting…like a pair of panties or something.

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For you Dream Water lovers out there…they have FINALLY put up the full ingredients for it up on their site…not that I really read it…but I still bought plenty.

Speaking of being tired…I’m running out of things to blog about here.  Not just tonight, but in general…maybe I’ll make a new one…hmmm….

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

I’ve moved to New York City twice in my life.  Once from Nebraska…then from New York to California…then as I went insane for the second time…I moved back to New York.  I’m much better now, thank you.

1999…

Blast from the past.  I remember hearing this in Virgin Megastore in Times Square before it was demolished and turned into a jumbo Forever 21.

Baz Luhrman did the video, but a woman named Mary Schimch actually wrote it in 1997.

Enjoy.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97.

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idel Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year- olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone. Mayber you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody’s else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont’ be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

How to Fall Asleep (or not)…Randi Newton Style.

I’ve always had trouble sleeping.  Maybe because I can never fully shut off my brain-and yes…a big part of my insomnia has to with my Red Bull problem, I think everyone knows that-duh.

Usually falling asleep at a somewhat normal hour involves me NOT trolling on the internet or cyber stalking people on Facebook.  So I usually TRY…and I emphasize on the word TRY to self-confiscate my laptop around 2:00am.  I also avoid caffeine after 6:00pm-unless I’m working.  Here are some things that may help you get some shut eye.

Ambien-my doctor REFUSES to prescribe this to me.  EVERY Dr. I have ever met refuses to.  Maybe they’ve read my blog and seen my signs of addictive behavior.  I once met a girl at Starbucks who overheard me talking about Ambien and she said that it made her sleep internet shop…my neighbor told me that he’ll wake up surrounded by empty containers of ice cream that he has no recollection of eating.  One Doc told me that she had patients become addicted to it and have seizures when they’d try and stop taking it.  Anyways…I’ve never tried it.  After hearing all of that, I’m scared to.

Dream Water-This stuff is supposed to be all natural…I think it is…frankly I don’t care…whatever it is knocks me out better than any benzo ever has.  To any people from Dream Water who may be reading this blog.  I have tried contacting you several times.  Please get back to me for the love of God.  I order your product by the case.  Can we work out a frequent buyer program…SOMETHING?

Tryptofan-Pop three of these in your mouth, swallow, and in 20 minutes you’ll feel as high as a kite.  If you don’t lay down it wears off and you’ll have to take more.  Yes it’s legal and over the counter!  You can get it at any vitamin place.  It’s the stuff that’s in turkey and warmed up milk that makes you tired.

Over the counter-Simply Sleep-is pretty good, however I’m uber sensitive to the main ingredient, Diphenhydramine.  It’s what they put in Benadryl and every other over the counter sleeping aid that’s non-natural.  It makes me go a little crazy and not sleep so well.

Light Therapy-Look at THIS. I don’t know if it works, and it’s gotten a few crappy reviews, but it looks cool and I want it…that’s why.  I did buy and try this Nightwave Sleep Assistant-it SUCKED.

Anyways…that’s my two cents for today.  Maybe you actually learned something from this blog.

 

When In Doubt…Impulse Buy…

Should I go back to being blonde?  No, that’s no fun.  And since my horoscope says it’s wise for me to wait for my next botox appointment until the end of November, it just seemed like a great idea to go blow some cash on some Ken Paves clip on bangs.

Nothing says boredom and a phobia of changing’s one’s hair by solving all of your problems with a pair of clip on bangs.  As I type this…I’m already finding myself ready to rip them off of my head…but I must say, it’s nice to have options…and until the moon is back in saturn, the botox has to wait 😉

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I have come to the sad realization that having more than TWO Red Bulls keeps me up until the wee hours of the morning…is 9:30 am even considered a “wee” hour?  Ugh.  So once again, I’m severely limiting my RB consumption (yeah yeah…we’ll see if that works).

Last night I had a Halloween candy binge to end all binges.  The aftermath was disgusting as I looked at the empty wrappers, as if they were dead carcasses around me.  In complete disgust of what I had just ingested.  I think I’m over Halloween Candy…then again….I say the same thing about Red Bull.

Off to enjoy my new impulse buy of clip on bangs. Woo hoo.

I’m About as Thrilled as Don Draper’s Secretary!-Aka…Mad Men Season Finale Recap/Review!

If you do not watch Mad Men, which I’ve found that many people sadly do not (it seems that the majority of the people I encounter on a daily basis at work don’t.)  You may be bored with this post…or maybe not…you really should start watching it though.  It’s won a bajillion awards and is quite fantastic.

With that said…SPOILER ALERT!!!

According to all of the postings I saw on Twitter and Facebook about Mad Men, I almost mistook it for an ad for Gossip Girl….”OMFG MAD MEN TONIGHT!” and stuff like-“DON DRAPER WTF!?!”.

Really it was one of those episodes…like a WTF but pretty f’ing surprising and amazing one.

Draper was dating a hot smart Doctor chick…well she seemed like she had it together and definitely hit it off with his disfunctional daughter Sally.  Then he goes to California with the kids and has no choice but to hire his mega hot secretary Megan (Jessica Pare...who’s actually in one of my fave films from ages ago)-that he happened to “hook up” with in his office awhile back-to babysit them while he’s at meetings and stuff.  He conveniently gets her a hotel room next to his.  They sleep together again…then he decides to propose to her out of the blue.  Like from F’ing nowhere.

Megan seems like a sweet girl and all, but in many ways somewhat of a servant to Draper.  Don likes his women meek and quiet and somewhat dumb.  Betty is on the verge of some mega breakdown.  The Doctor was too independent and smart for him, he has some weird sisterly bond with Peggy, but would never consider hooking up with her-because she’s now a copywriter, and more of a peer than a plaything.  Look at this pic of her…she looks like a beautiful Stepford Wife.

I guess some men just like dumb women.  They like to be “in charge” and have the upper hand.  Notice, after they announce their engagement, Don’s phone rings and his now fiance/secretary runs to answer it like a little bitch.

Joan is clearly preggo with the boss man’s, Roger Sterling’s, baby even though she’s married to another man.  She’s a smart girl, but Sterling has it coming.  Ahhh…how life imitates art sometimes…

I’m as happy as Megan probably is…estactic…but I’m not anyone’s bitch…the right relationship has a lot to do with equality between the partners involved.  That’s not gonna happen with Megan and Don.

 

Yeah…So I Tried On A Wedding Dress Today…(No I’m NOT Pregnant.)

There has been much speculation and rumors about my love life since my last beau and I had our nasty split.

I was pretty open about the fact that I had a boyfriend when I did press about two years ago…then after the press ended…so did the relationship…hmm…

Up until recently I’ve been somewhat mum about my matters of the heart…at least on this blog…but I’ll give glimpses into that here and there.

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SO.  Thanks to modern technology, Eric met my family tonight via Skype-if you haven’t tried it or heard of it, I guess you’ve been living under a rock…but it’s pretty cool.

It was a bit awkward, it was just like a “Hey! How are you guys!?” my mother was glued to her Ipad playing Farmville, and everyone else was just watching television.  Skype is a good icebreaker.  Yay modern technology!

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Today my girlfriend who introduced me to Eric and I were shopping in Chelsea, and of course we walked by the ever suburbian-out of place-David’s Bridal-She became extremely excited and insisted that I go in and try on wedding dresses.

The last time I went to David’s Bridal was when I was looking for a pageant gown…it was in Long Island, and they were MEAN.  It left a bad taste in my mouth.

No offense, but  when I’m in there I feel like I was shopping for a Louis Vuitton on Canal Street-hell…I could find something better at H&M…but we were just goofing off.  So I made the most ridiculous request when they asked me what I was looking for.

“I don’t want to sound all goth or anything or weird, but I’d like to try on a black wedding dress.”

Let’s be real folks.  I’m not getting married in white.  Come on now.

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I was pleasantly surprised with the dress they brought me.  It was the only one.  It fit perfect.  It was on sale for $350 (that’s just about the price of doing a VIP room stint! so affordable)  Putting it on, was a bit of an unnecessary production, but my friend Trace certainly seemed to enjoy every minute of it…and it looked really good.  In fact…Every employee in the store came by and told me so.  Did I believe them?  No.

I think it’s part of their job to tell people that almost anything looks good on them.  I could tell by the glazed over look in their eyes.

It was actually kind of fun trying on a wedding dress.  Then thinking about all of the money spent on something I’d only wear on one day.  Honestly, I don’t even see me having a fancy wedding.  My sister did it city hall style in a cotton dress..and that’s kind of what I’m aiming for-or Vegas-or the beach.  There’s something magical about putting on a big fat white puffy dress with black lace on it though.  I guess right now…I cannot really say anything else other than NO I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED ANYTIME IN THE NEXT 200 DAYS. and NO I AM NOT PREGNANT.  Dear God…I can’t even keep the succulent in my bathroom alive…let alone a child at this point.  Stay tuned.

TO MY FAMILY:

Come on now…do you really think I’d announce an engagement on my blog?  I’m waiting to go on Oprah for this one! 😉

Anniversary Party! Video Included!

Well the 5 Year Anniversary Party went smashingly well at the club!  Here’s a video from the event that someone sent me.  You cannot really hear or see much…but it was fun and packed.

They gave out prizes and a trip to Vegas.

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The next big event will be Tuesday, October 26th-Rick’s is having a Pretty-in-Pink Party to support Living Beyond Breast Cancer.  More information about that to come soon.

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I ate entirely way too many carbohydrates tonight, drank too much Red Bull…and there’s a good chance that the boyfriend is bringing over Halloween candy…ugh.

A Quickie Blog…

It’s party time!  Rick’s Cabaret NYC is celebrating their FIFTH anniversary and you are all invited! See the picture with the pretty lady in it above.  Drink and food specials and ladies galore.  A THREE day extravaganza.  Am I going to be there, you may ask? Well you will just have to see for yourself.

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Other than that, my day was pretty relaxed.  My bestie needed a place to crash so I let her sleep on my CHED (a chair that turns into a bed)…I do not think it’s very comfortable.  It sure is cute though.  Live and learn…live and learn.  It was like an old school sleepover.  We phone pranked people, watched bad reality tv, she ate Raamen Noodles and I ate some really yummy Duane Reade brand granola-(who knew it could be so good?!)-then we put on Tiger Balm patches, she took an Ambien, I chugged a Dream Water (which my mom keeps telling me that I spend too much money on, but it’s better for one than crack..right?) and we zoned out to Intervention on A&E…talk about feeling old.  Taking sleeping aids and basically applying arthritis patches and watching a show about people getting high and wasted.  Then we had a pillow fight.

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I haven’t had Red Bull in two days.  I am pleased about this.

As far as the Halloween Candy, I did have an issue yesterday and went to town on it…but it’s over and done.  Once again, live and learn my friends…live and learn.

Shout out to Eric. Love you.