I am Probably, Most Likely, a Rotten Person…

It’s not fair…I’m on an airplane, and why can the woman next to me have a baby on her lap?  A baby MUCH larger size of my handbag, which contains my “baby”, my Macbook in it, and I can’t keep that in my lap?

I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I know I should not compare my precious computer to any living thing especially a living breathing mammal child.  But in this case, I should specify, that this was NOT a baby, it was a TODDLER. That is capable of running, etc..that squirms, grabs and does stuff that I’m pretty sure you’re required to buy a seat for.  Babies fly free…toddlers do NOT.  As I write this, the toddler is running up and down the aisle of the plane and the seatbelt light is still on and the parents really don’t seem to care.  If something happened and there was a hole in the plane, that kid would be the FIRST thing to be sucked out.  I’m not saying this to be mean, but that’s just the truth.  Someone needs to strap that kid down.  The parents HATE me.  You know what…they probably have every reason to, and maybe after reading this entry, you will too.

So I’m on my way home from visiting my family in Nebraska, which was a pretty nice trip even though I ate my weight in chocolate and binged on every fatty carbohydrate within a very short time span and most likely gained 8-10 pounds.  I check my flight status earlier in the day.  I’m on a small aircraft with a total of three seats per row in the plane:  Two on one side, and a lone seat on the other.  I strategically choose the last row on the plane, and my seat on the aisle, with the lone seat across from me-and according to the airline’s seating chart I’d have an additional empty seat next to me.  Yippee!  A whole row to myself.

Something must’ve happened shortly before I got to the airport.  I attempt to pre-board with my HUGE carryon, the woman cops a tude with me and says I cannot.  Then finally after she realizes that I’m a frequent flier member that indeed I am allowed to board.  I get settled in, looking forward to the empty seat next to me.  The plane fills up…then the family with the yelling toddler gets closer and closer to me…oh Dear God no…no…no…no.  The mom and the toddler sit next to me.  As they slide past me, I offer to help the mother by holding a few of her items.  Her thank you reply to me is not sincere, but it’s as if I’m expected to help, she’s unappreciative.  The dad and the grandmother sit in front of me.  There is an empty seat across from the dad and grandmother…wouldn’t that be a more logistical seating arrangement than to have the family sitting BEHIND each other?  I have successfully stuffed my bag under my chair, as it was too big to put in the overhead compartment.  I’m settled in, then the dad asks me the dreaded question.  Can we switch seats?  I suggest that perhaps they should take advantage of having the entire row instead of switching, that my bag is wedged underneath the chair and that I booked my ticket to be in the last row on the aisle by the bathroom, for a specific reason-air sickness-which quickly got the attention of several other passengers.  The family said that they would be fine, and didn’t care to take my friendly suggestion that they just take the entire row of seats rather than switch with me.  I assured them that I had no problem sitting next to their toddler, “I have a nephew!” I smiled, not adding that he is the most perfect baby in the world, and way cuter than the one they brought along, and that my sister would’ve made sure that her travel plans were down pat. In not moving I was completely aware that the family would most likely take this out on me in a passive aggressive way…I was fine with this too…you know why?

Because Randi Newton comes prepared.

So the games began.  The mom pulled out the mini pizza they purchased from the food court and kid wolfed it down, getting sauce all over the table tray.  The dad kept leaning over the seat in front of me talking to the mom, helping her with this mini pizza, and I wondered…did she really need the help with a mini pizza, or were they trying to annoy me?  I couldn’t tell, as they were chatting in some other language…but once again, did I let on that I was annoyed?  Nope!

Because Randi Newton comes prepared.

Go ahead kid, try and grab my ipod, I’m laid back, I’m cool.  I’ll just move it to the other side.  As a matter of fact, it reminded me that I had a trailer from my boyfriend’s documentary that he’s directing-for more info click HERE-saved on my computer!  The mom propped the little boy on her lap and attempted to start reading a children’s book to him.  I started the trailer, with the headphones on of course, the toddler of course was WAY more interested in what I was watching-even though the mom turned his head the other way…he just couldn’t resist.  New York nightlife!  Beautiful women! Implants! (no nudity..I wouldn’t expose a toddler to that!)  Bright colors…and before I knew it, not even 3 minutes after I started the trailer the family decided to move to the same row and be together after all!

“We don’t want him to bother you.” Said the dad.

“Oh it’s not a bother at all!  I’m just watching a movie!”

So they moved and they were just yelled at for their child running up and down the aisle.  If a hole blows out in the plane, that little guy is the first thing getting sucked out…or who knows, maybe it would be me and my snobbish attitude.

This whole story probably just confirms my immaturity towards certain aspects of life.  I live in Manhattan.  Infants are a rarity to city dwellers.  All of my friends who do have kids live in outer bouroughs, and I’ve been to Park Slope and Astoria, great family places.  These people are conscious of other people’s space when they travel with their kids into the city.  When you do see a baby in the city, it’s almost like seeing a unicorn, it’s a rarity, at least in my neighborhood.  Do I want kids?  Someday sure…but only when I’m 100% I can be the best I can be, and mentally capable of arranging travel plans for me and my family.

****

Shortly this blog will be getting a COMPLETELY different look, and merging with another website.  The changes are going to blow your mind…well hopefully they will…and take things to a new level.  Release date to follow soon…but keep on reading, and I’ll keep on writing!

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