My Biggest Secret Indulgence Revealed…

Since junior high school, I’ve had an obsession with phone pranking that could probably be considered somewhat unhealthy.

(no this woman in the bikini is not me…but I needed to show some skin on this blog for once…even if it’s not mine.)


My first phone pranking incident, where I realized I was possibly a “phone pranking genius” , (PPG), took place in my best friend, Andrew’s parents basement in Omaha, Nebraska.  It was before the internet was even an embryo in a computer programmer’s head, so we relied on the Yellow and White Pages.

The first pranks, started off innocently enough.  We would call businesses, one being Kentucky Fried Chicken.  If a female would answer, our question was simple…yet enough to throw someone off.

KFC-Female Employee: Hello Kentucky Fried Chicken.

ME: Yes, how big are your breasts.

KFC: Uhh…excuse me?

ME: How big are your breasts, your chicken breasts?

Usually I’d start laughing and hang up.  This was only the beginning of pranks to come.


Andrew and I would flip through the phone book after school.  We’d go for one or two things…a number listed under a family’s name as a “teenline”-which was a blatant way of saying “This line belongs to a teenager…” or “CALL ME PETIFILES!”…considering this was WAY before the invention of caller id and *69.  Our most favorite, however, was calling the parents of a fellow classmate that we didn’t like and say in a serious convincing tone that we were calling from Planned Parenthood, and that their son/daughter had been tested positive for an std.  Usually the parents would sound extremely concerned.  YES I know this was wrong…but keep in mind I was in junior high…again the phone pranks didn’t stop, but they evolved.

Caller ID was invented, then the *67 call blocking feature became “traceable” with various applications, etc…

My ultimate phone prank involved calling David Hasselhoff.  YES…THE David Hasselhoff.  I was working a temp job in Los Angeles and went through the CEO of a very big company’s Rolodex, and not only found his number, but Simon Cowell’s AND Robin Givens…so one night my mom and I called David and he was not happy to hear from us.

ME: Hey David it’s me!

THE HOFF: Who’s me? (very angry)

ME: Oh Dave…it’s me!

CLICK…end of phone call.  I really wanted to call back and say, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hassle the Hoff…” but decided against it.

Then it all changed.  The Mother of all phone pranking devices was invented.  This device is so unbelievably amazing that I cannot do it justice by explaining it.  You just have to check it out for yourself.  Click the word below:


It’s illegal in some places and illegal to use in certain ways…so use it wisely.  No they are not paying me to advertise.  It’s just a really cool product I like.  Ahhh….the mischeif I’ve gotten myself into with this….


Yes yes yes…I am doing a reading in early June of a personal essay that your’s truly has written.  Please, if you can do so, contain your excitement…and I will post more details later.

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That’s all for today.

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