Envy. Who doesn’t have it? I believe it to be a kinder and more gentler form of jealously. Or maybe it’s all the same and envy is just a better way of saying that you’re jealous? That’s something to think about I suppose.
The other night I was walking by a slew of crappy hotel bars, not fancy ones, but in the late thirties in midtown there’s a “tourist trap row” of them. Signs that boast “Wine $3.00!” granted, the wine probably comes in a box, but I found myself getting angry that I couldn’t go in and throw back a few. Then I found myself thinking back to the conversation I had with the bartender at work about CHOOSING to not drink something (which was Red Bull in that case). I realized that if I was going to have a glass of wine, that it wouldn’t be the kind that was $3.00, but something of a higher quality.
As you may have come to find, I have issues consuming certain things in excess. I envy people who can easily go out and get sloshed, not gain any weight, wake up without hangovers, and do it two or three times a week. I also envy those women who can put away a whole pizza like it’s nobody’s business and still maintain a perfect figure. I envy those who can drink Red Bull excessively with alcohol and live to tell and actually remember that they didn’t make asses out of themselves.
I guess I’ve come to realize that everything is okay in moderation, and it’s okay if sometimes you know that maybe certain things cannot be had moderately at all…and I’m okay with that. It doesn’t mean I still have a little bit of envy though…but I mean that in the softest kindest way.
I talked to my ex-boyfriend the other night from 15 years ago. God, I’m getting old. Think back to how different YOU were 15 years ago. Trippy. He and I spoke on the phone for the first time in about five years, and there wasn’t a lot to say. Of course I remembered some bad moments that we had…but I’ve let go of that anger towards him. Life is too short. I don’t think I’m holding grudges towards anyone at the moment…well….I can think of a particular individual…but that’ll pass soon enough.