First Class…my ass…

I am now back in the New York tri-state area, after having a holiday rendezvous with my family.  It was a great visit, but had I stayed any longer I’m sure that my weight would’ve skyrocketed due to all of the food I was partaking in…oh well…I suppose that’s what holidays are for.


So traveling can be a pain in the ass…traveling during the holidays…a ROYAL pain in the ass.  If you keep a few things in mind, however, you can make things a lot easier for yourself and the customer service people assisting you.

I always keep one rule in mind “Do unto others.” The golden rule.  I’ve found that sticking to this simple and small rule in ANY situation usually gets you through with pleasing results.

Thanks to a snowstorm my connecting flight was horribly delayed.  Rather than wanting to sleep in the Memphis airport terminal,I tried my luck with a friendly looking airline representative.

There is a little known thing out there called “Rule 240”

You can click on that link to learn more, but to summarize, if a flight is delayed for ANYTHING other than weather an airline can re-route you free of charge to another airline to get you to your destination.  You just have to know the lingo AND be friendly about it.  So when I approached the rep, and asked if he’d re-route me even though my flight delay was weather related, he STILL 240’d me.  Granted I spent 14 hours traveling, but I did not have to sleep in the airport.


So on my way back from my vacation, I once again encountered another flight delay due to “mechanical issues”.  I was asked to be re-routed, I was and was bumped up to first class the second leg of my trip!  Woo hoo!

I’d like to thank the customer service representative for doing that for me.  HOWEVER.  My experience in first class was interesting, and I did feel bad for the people who paid an arm and a leg to fly it.

Unless you are flying across the world and will be in the air for a super duper long time, frankly, first class is a waste of money.  First class is basically “open bar in the sky”.  Since I’m currently on a detox and not drinking, the free alcohol that was constantly being offered to me, wasn’t doing it for me.

The last time I flew first class, however, I was drinking.  I had two bottles of champagne, then switched to wine, and ate something on REAL plates with real silverware that was supposed to be steak, and fell asleep watching “Aquamarine”-(a remake of “Splash” for children), an interesting film choice I thought…oh well.

This flight was a little different.

According to the airline magazine, there were supposed to be television options, music,movies and wifi…there were no viewing monitors to be found.

“Umm…do you have wifi?” I asked the adorable gay flight attendant.

“No.”  he looked like he felt sincerely bad.

“Do you have tv’s at all?”

“No…this is an older aircraft, pre-(airline name here) merger.  This plane don’t have anything! Do you want a drink?”

“Do you have Red Bull?”


“Is the coffee on the plane good.”

“No. Unless you put Bailey’s in it.”

I thanked him for his honesty and still drank five cups of coffee-no Baileys-and watched an episode of Mad Men on my laptop.   The cute flight attendant walked through the small first class section about five times carrying a sad tray of snacks, fruit, candy, and chips.  I took a banana, and watched the woman sitting diagonally get wasted and play with her accessory pet that was in a hot pink carrying case that said “Diva Dog” on it.  The man behind me wore sunglasses, smelled of cheap cologne and slept with a fur coat on top of him.  There was an older Asian couple drinking whiskey, the man had a purse.

First Class is AWESOME…if you want to get wasted in-flight, or if you want to have more leg room.

The plane landed an hour early, so we were stuck on the tarmac for about 20 minutes.  I had to use the restroom so bad that I got yelled at while we were waiting to de-plane.  Just think, you could be arrested now for simply getting up to pee at the wrong moment.  What is this world coming to?!

I have already neglected my NY resolution to wake up earlier.  My alarm was set for 12:45 pm…I rolled out of bed around 3:00pm.  The weather right now in NY is too cold to be able to do anything other than lay in bed and shiver.

More later.

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