To Matt…

I think when we’re eighteen years old, one thinks that they know EVERYTHING…then in hindsight, as a more mature human being, I look back at myself when I was that age and cringe and kind of want to vomit.

I didn’t even know how to drive until I was almost nineteen, yet alone fold my own laundry…but I distinctly remember telling one of my first crushes, Matt, that I knew it all.  I told him that I was mature, etc..that I had “lived” a full life, etc…and he shook his head and smiled and told me that I still had a lot to learn.  I got mad and disagreed.  I remember being highly offended and pretty pissed.  I also grew mad at him for other petty things that only a sheltered eighteen year old from Omaha, Nebraska can get infuriated about and take too personally..then once again in hindsight, so many years later, really appreciating the lessons that I learned from him.  Granted, most of them learned the hard way due to my immaturity and lack of understanding that someone who cared was trying to guide me in the right direction when it was clear to others and not myself that I was a bit all over the place.

So years go by, and we lose touch with people whether it’s intentional or not.  Yes, they cross your mind, and you google them and keep thinking…”I need to look Matt up…I wonder what he’s up to.  Do I ever cross his mind?  I’m gonna call him…I’ll get around to it…” but of course most of the time you never do, and it ends up being too late.

So I’m hanging in Los Angeles this weekend.  I’m having a great time and I’ve come to really appreciate so many aspects of my life.  Nope, it hasn’t all been a walk in the park, but I’ve grown happy, content, and things seem pretty close to perfect.  This year has brought numerous surprises and blessings in unexpected ways that I never saw coming.

Then I hear the news…

Here’s to Matt.  I’m more than sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye.  I do remember the last time I said hello to you…about 12 years ago.  I remember our last conversation we had on the phone.  We were supposed to get together for a “steak dinner”…I remember that comment very vividly (I love me some steak!) we never did have that dinner, but I was happy to be on good terms, and that you understood that maybe the “teen angst” I previously had wasn’t a reflection on my true character.

Thanks for what you taught me Matt.  I’d like to think you’d be proud of me, and I think you’d be happy that I took what you said to me seriously…because I did.  You were really wonderful and a lot of people love you.

I’m raising a Sugar Free Red Bull to Matt, because that’s what he’d want me to do…specifically with a Red Bull, and not the Red Stag that I considered for a moment.  Oh Matt…I’m really glad I didn’t go with the Stag.  I know you’d be glad too. J

To Matt. ❤

Get in touch with me please, if you want to share memories, etc…about Matt.

Hope you understand the Halloween extravaganza pics have been postponed.


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