The demise of a friendship…

I think I “broke up” with a friend today.

It’s hard being friends with someone you used to date.  Especially when they tend to make the situation more complicated than it should be.   It really sucks when you are the one making all of the effort in maintaining the relationship.  I think I started realizing that the friendship was on the demise when I went to go see this person perform on a cold blustery night in December.  I went to Brooklyn despite extremely crappy weather because that’s what friends do for each other.  Right?

“Oh!  I didn’t know you were coming!” he said despite the two text messages I had sent him.  I was really disappointed with his reaction and actually almost left.   He knew I was coming but didn’t seem to really care or make an effort to remember.

I sat at the bar drinking vodka/soda with my friend Mala and she could tell I was upset.  We stayed and watched the show and I felt lousy.  Did it really matter in the grand scheme of things that I bothered to come to the show at all.   Did he care?  It didn’t seem like it.  After that night I started looking at things differently.  He refused to come see me perform stand-up simply because he was “lazy”.  He didn’t forget my birthday but he ignored it until I said something about it.  Why?  Why must you act like this?

I’ve been trying so hard to maintain a friendship with leaps and bounds, presents, dinners, etc.  When it comes down to it, it simply shouldn’t be this difficult.  I almost feel like I’m in grade school jumping up and down waving my arms in the air saying “Like me!  Like me!  All I want is to be your friend.” 

Today I sent some angry text messages to this person and he accused me of being passive aggressive and I admitted to it.

“You never text me anymore.”  I said via aim.

“I know.” wow…well thanks for fessing up.  “I don’t know why I act this way with you and not my other friends.  I don’t know why.”  Shortly thereafter the conversation ended abruptly and I don’t have the time or energy to revisit it.  I thought this person was a good friend now, I’m just confused.  We had been through a lot in our friendship and now he’s letting things fall by the wayside.  This person doesn’t seem to care at all.  This person also probably has never read my blog now that I think about it.  If you can’t make an effort to be my friend, you probably won’t make one to read about how much you’re pissing me off.

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