Always a Bridesmaid…Never a Bride….

Well it happened once again.  I was under the impression my role of a stripper was going to be bigger than it ended up being.  Ah…such is the disappointment that happens when being an actor.  That’s one reason I gave it up, but I’ll never say no to SAG paying jobs.

I show up to set.  The first red flag was when one PA says, “Sit over there and we’ll go through your wardrobe later.”  Meanwhile I see the other “strippers” going through their clothes, so  I pipe up:

“Umm…does my wardrobe need to be approved?  I’m playing a stripper.”

“You are?” said the PA looking surprised.  Not good.


“Are you sure?”

“Uh, yeah, 100% sure.”  Hmm…I’m not your stereotypical looking stripper, but his shock certainly made me feel old, fat, un-sexy.

So wardrobe starts looking through my stuff, and I wear the shortest, sluttiest green leopard print slip.  The woman helping me tells me that she’s worked with me before on “New Amsterdam”, I go along with her and nod, even though I’ve never worked on that show or have seen it in my entire life. 

We go to holding, which is in a church ironically, and are given bathrobes to cover ourselves up with.  After about 30 minutes we go to hair and makeup.  Then to set.  The PA who questioned my status as a stripper comes up to me.

“Are you the main stripper?” he asks.  I’m suddenly flattered that he thinks I’m now hot enough to be the “main” stripper.

“Would I know if I was?” I ask, hoping that I was indeed the main one.

“Uh…yeah…I think you would.”

No I was not the main stripper.  The main stripper was wearing a bikini and was really hot.  She had to make out with a girl on camera.  I’m not exactly sure what happens after that, but I heard a rumor that she also gets killed.  

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

I auditioned once to be a principal in a SAG national commercial.  I didn’t get it, but was asked to work background.  I did, and practically cried watching a friend of mine on camera reciting the lines that I had auditioned with.  I was happy for her, but hard on myself that I came close but didn’t measure up enough to book the job.

Same when I booked a role on “The Sopranos”, all you could see was the back of my head.  My scene was cut.  So close, but so far away.

I had a friend, who always gets the understudy roles on Broadway.  He doesn’t know it, but people say the same thing about him, “Ah…always a bridesmaid..”  He’s an asshole though, so I don’t feel bad for him.

Do I miss acting?  I don’t really know if I do.  I remember thinking that I’d just DIE of embarrassment if I didn’t succeed as an actor.  When I made the decision to not really pursue it anymore, I surprised myself.  I’m not embarrassed or ashamed.  It just obviously wasn’t meant for me.  Of course I will never turn down an audition or job, but I guess I’m just over the whole, “I’m an actor!” thing.  With writing, I can be the bride.

On a side note,there are two girls that I work with that I’d bet money on that have slept with Bret Michaels.

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