The Real World Brooklyn…

Is it just me or have you guys noticed that everyone on “The Real World” wants to be a musician or they’re in a band already.  Has anyone ever noticed that these people generally have no talent?

Remember Julie the Mormon from the RW New Orleans?  She had a brother who had a band.  They came to stay at the house.  I do not recall hearing the band play, and if I did I suppose they weren’t that great because I can’t remember them.  Did you know that she was supposed to be on one of the flights that crashed into the Wrold Trade Center?  She overslept and missed it.  I always liked Julie.  She was one of the most popular cast members, probably because she seemed geniune.

She’s working with Abrams Artists…good for her!  I’d kind of like to do speaking engagements at colleges, but I don’t know what I’d talk about.  I wonder if Julie would think I was a raging whore if she met me….hmm…I hope not.

Okay remember the stripper Brianna from RW Hollywood?  I’m sorry…but this girl gave strippers a worse rep.  I couldn’t watch the show while home visiting my family because I didn’t want my mother to assume I was the same way.  She’s now pursuing a music career…she doesn’t have a bad voice, but I can’t get over how she behaved on the show.

She claims she’s given up stripping….who knows.  It’s hard to give up pole.

So I’ve been watching RW Brooklyn and it’s entertaining as usual.  There are aspiring singers as usual.  A few things I have issues with.  Sarah, you are adorable but when your dad calls and you do not want to talk to him, just hang up the phone.  Don’t say, “I’m hanging up the phone now…” just hang up.  Don’t answer the phone and let your roommates screen your calls like your mom told you.  I highly doubt that Sarah will see this, but if someone who knows her does please direct her to my blog.

Baya, why did you turn down the hip-hop conservatory?  Why did you even waste your time, and theirs, and the camera crew to go to the audition?  Why?  I heard your reasons that you don’t have the “time”…but seriously other than going out and drinking and being followed by a camera crew what else do you have to do.

Katelynn.  Your boyfriend is an asshole.  I do like you a lot though.  Would you consider maybe getting some layers or highlights?

Devyn.  If you meet with a casting director or agent please be on time.  Why did you drive from Brooklyn to the city?  Take the train.  I spoke with my agent about your song choice for your audition being the National Anthem.  He suggested that you find another song.

Chet.  You will no longer be a virgin after being on The Real World.  I have money riding on this.  Don’t let me down!

JD.  I think it’s cool that you train dolphins.

Ryan.  I appreciate you serving our country, however I certainly hope you are considering therapy after doing so.

Okay…I’ll be back next week blogging about the latest happenings on the show.

25 Things you don’t know about me, or maybe you do…

1.Two musicians have written songs about me to my knowledge. One was an amazing song called “Randi” by Jeremy Kushnier that people have speculated on the fact on whether or not it was really written about me…but the lyrics are pretty telling for many reasons. The second was Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit freestyle rapping to me at the Sound Factory before it became a condo. The third is questionable and by someone I’d rather not mention (of course I know the musician quite well) but because it’d be wishful thinking if he wrote one about me at all, and I’d like to pretend that he did write it with me in mind.

2.I used to be a backup singer in a metal band.

3.I used to be a stripper and made a crap ton of money.

4.I worked at a funeral home/mortuary in college as a pre-need secretary. (pre-need: buy before you die) I never saw a dead body, but once there was a cheap casket in the xerox/fax room which doubled as an embalming room. Once my boss yelled at me for telling him I needed to be home in time to watch 90210.

5. No male other than my parents or family or platonic friends have ever sent/given me flowers.

6. I’ve only been to Hawaii once and I loved it. I went with my friend Terry and we had brunch with Barry Williams, (Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch). It was a very Brady brunch.

7. I worked out of my college dorm as a phone sex operator.

8. At the same time I worked at Planet Hollywood.

9. I made out with Gene Simmons from KISS at Tao in New York City in the middle of the restaurant. Five years later I’m in Los Angeles working a convention and he walks up to me and tells me he remembers me from the restaurant.

10. I’ve been to the Playboy mansion twice.

11. I had a brief fling with my celebrity crush. I regret it. It broke my heart and I was never the same afterwards.

12. I used to work at Morgan Stanley Dean Witter. I was so heavy at the time I was often mistaken for Monica Lewinsky.

13. I write a monthly column for this magazine to educate strippers on finance.

14. I’m getting a book published in December 09.

15. I had cornrows once.

16. I didn’t really start drinking alcohol until I turned 25. I’ve made up for lost time!

17. As a joke I auditioned for “Flava of Love” (this is when I had cornrows. This is the only show that I’ve ever come close to getting. Needless to say I turned it down.

18. My roommate is considerably older than me. I thought she was dead a few weeks ago, but she’s not.

19. I sleepwalk if I have just a little too much vodka and usually wake up in the hallway of my apartment building.

20. I have never tried a drug other than marajuana and I don’t even really count that.

21. I once sat next to Ron Jeremy and Denis Hoff from the Bunnyranch in Las Vegas, and regret not taking a pic with them.

22. I was a poker dealer in Los Angeles.

23. I’m scared of the dark and sleep with a light on, unless someone is sleeping next to me.

24. When I met my best friend he was 10 and I was 13.

25. I used to love karaoke, now I’m not so into it.

Telefon Tel Aviv…

I was very sad to hear that a member of the electronic duo Telefon Tel Aviv, Charlie Cooper, passed away last week at 31.  No one knows the cause of death at this time.

I recently started listening to their music and they just realeased their fourth cd, which I guesss is their last.  Maybe Cooper’s mother will pull a Mary Guibert and find some rough tracks.  I have literally four versions of  Jeff Buckley’s “The Last Goodbye”.  I actually knew a girl who encouraged him to try heroin…anyhoo.

It’s a bummer when people die, with musicans it’s sad because you know that there won’t be any new material.  I had a friend tell me to NOT listen to Eva Cassidy because it would make me too sad knowing that, well…that’s it.  No more CD’s because she passed away.

For some reason this all reminds me about a girl who I used to do bikini contests and wet-t-shirt contests with.  She died in the parking lot of a church after being thrown to the ground as her boyfriend drove away not realizing her shirt was caught in the door.  It was a shock and quite sad.  I remember the last time I saw her.  We were both beer tub girls at a total douche bag of a nightclub.  She was counting her tips and I said goodbye to her.  I walked away, hesitated for a minute and considered turning around and asking her if she wanted to hang out sometime.  I actually remember stopping and really debating.  But I didn’t turn around.  I walked out the door and never saw her again.  I always wonder what would’ve been different had I ever hung out with her.  Maybe even a greater sense of loss.  I remember it was raining and I was lying on my parents couch when I heard she had died.  I feel that it was similar in when musicians and artists pass, no more art, music…etc….and no more chances to attempt a friendship.

There she is!…

Well did you watch it?  Miss America was on last night and I must say it was exactly what I expected it to be.  Somewhat of a trainwreck, so bad I couldn’t help but watch.

The opening number was super lame.  A poorly choreographed dance-if you could even call it dancing-routine.  Everyone wore jeans and black t-shirts.  The song was “Four Minutes” by Madonna and Justin Timberlake.  Mario Lopez danced around the girls, it was pretty bad.

I DVR’d the pageant so I could fast forward through the commercials, but I actually managed to catch it live at Vinyl Diner in Hells Kitchen-sans volume on television.  I was surrounded by several gay men who’s eyes were glued to the television as if it were a football game.  We all made fun of the winner’s dress, Miss Indiana, who was quite attractive but her dress reminded me of something from “Purple Rain”.

Being a former pageant girl, Miss Omaha circa late 90’s, I of course was rooting for Miss Nebraska who never has made the top ten.  I bet that sucks.  I bet every year the pageant board must think to themselves, “This is THE year…this is the year Miss Nebraska will be in the top ten.”  Nope once again it didn’t happen.  I’ve heard that the Miss America people are pretty political in the choice of who wins and who doesn’t.

The swimwear competition was interesting.  The girls come out on the stage and do a little slutty dance, then the pageant “walk”.  After that, three girls were eliminated.  I’m sure some eating disorders are going to happen because of that.  The evening wear portion of the night isn’t even worth mentioning.  Lots of bad fashion choices.

The talent portion was pretty interesting.  I have a vivid memory of Miss Florida dancing around with a frying pan.  Miss Georgia sang “Home” from “The Wiz” which is a pageant staple.

So Miss Indiana won the pageant, I certainly hope someone helps  her with her fashion decisions in the next year.

I’m sure that there were a lot of drunk sad women last night in Vegas.  Vegas is the perfect place to lose a pageant in because you can do everything the pageant board would frown upon there.  All-you-can-eat buffet. gambling, getting wasted, and having sex with a stranger.  I bet someone gets pregnant.

To “face” or not to “face”….that is the question.

What’s worse than being “ignored” on Facebook?  Face it (haha…no pun intended).  We’ve all been guilty of hitting that button.  Usually I hit it when getting requests from people in foreign countries wanting green cards, people who clearly are “friend collectors” and the occasional “fan” claiming that they “Loved you in Law and Order.” yeah right…you loved the back of my head playing doing extra work.  Then there’s the guy you had a one night stand with that you’d rather forget that remember.  Then there are the ones that get to you.
The people from high school.
I graduated from high school YEARS ago.  Seeing people resurface online that you saw for four years in the halls of school then for the most part never again has come with a variety of both nostalgia, regret, and questions.
I was not popular in high school, but certainly well known.  I was liked by many, or at least hoped that I was.  I was weird and a loner that got along well with many different groups, yet never really clicked with one in particular.  My adult post high-school social life has been a lot different in the sense that I have an amazing group of friends who accept me despite my bizarre and crazy life.  Yet, recently seeing people on Facebook from high school has brought back the same feeling of wanting acceptance in a weird way.
For example, I sent someone a friend request.  This is a person who I had an argument with at age 13, but after that this person seemed to be cool with me.  I attempt to “friend” this person and they diss me.  They “ignore” my request.  Frankly, I was pissed and surprised myself by feeling that way.  I felt that I was back in school once again and very self-concious.  I saw this person “friend” other people and wondered why they just couldn’t add me.  I mean…come on.  I’m a totally  different person now than I was in high school.  I’m actually kind of cool now (I think.)
Then there’s the friend in high school that you think is a better friend than they actually are.  This person popped up on the Fbook and added certain people and not me, it’s as if they didn’t think about trying to locate me.  I was more of an afterthought.  I see this person write on other people’s “walls” yet, when I attempt to say something, it’s ignored.  This person added someone they claimed that they hated while we were in school and constantly writes on their wall.
I suppose it’s frustrating too when I send people messages saying. “Hey I think I saw you in midtown, we should grab a drink…” only to be ignored.  Like, seriously wtf did I do l that you can’t seem to let go of other than, well, just being weird. 
Then you have the classmate that contacts you on Fbook, that you haven’t seen in years.  They ask you for $400 so they can take their kids to a Hannah Montana concert and if I don’t give them the money they threaten to call your mom and blackmail you by telling her that I used to be a stripper…go ahead and call bitch, she knows.
There are also the people that pleasantly surprise me.  I’ve developed a nice repor with a guy that frankly didn’t give me the time of day when we were in school.  He sent me such a touching email apologizing for not understanding me during those four years, that it made me cry.  I recently opened up to him about my facebook frustrations with our former alumni and he was extremely supportive and said most of those people are losers anyway!  Thank you M! 😉
If you’re one of my Fbook high school friends and read this and decide you want to delete me and block me and think I’m crazy maybe I just don’t care anymore.  I spent a huge part of my life looking for validation and acceptance from other people and I’m so getting over it.  I’m over it.  It’s fine with me if you think I’m a wild whore for taking off my top in front of strangers in public.   Whatev. You were popular for four years out of your life. I’d rather be popular in life than in high school. 

My connection with Mario Lopez…

Well the Miss America pageant is one of my favorite things to blog about. I used to take pageants very seriously. Now I think they’re weird but fun to watch.

This year Mario Lopez is hosting Miss America. Last year it was Marc Summers from Nikelodeon’s Double Dare. I thought that was an odd choice, but I bet his agent really tried to swing him that gig again. Sorry Marc, you’ll be missed this year!

I feel that I have somewhat of a connection with Mario Lopez. I remember watching him on Kid’s Incorporated with Fergie. Then when I worked at Planet Hollywood as a hostess (it was a LONG time ago people) he came in a few times and smiled at me. I think he always ordered ribs. This was after “Saved By The Bell” was cancelled and Mario just finished shooting “The Greg Louganis Story”. I do not have a crush on Mario, yet still feel as if we have this bond that’s lasted over the years. The last time I saw Mario in person was in “A Chorus Line” on Broadway. The tickets were free. I questioned the casting choices in putting him in the show as “Zach”. He sat pretty close by my seat in the back of the theatre. The strange gay man sitting next to me was clearly wasted and in the middle of the show he gets up and starts talking to Mario. I felt bad for Mario, this probably took him by surprise. He still managed to get through the show, and once again although I feel a connection to him, I still questioned the casting choices. I also enjoy watcing “Randy Jackson’s America’s Best Dance Crew”, not because Mario is the host, but because I really do enjoy the choreography and it’s an added bonus that Mario happens to host it.

I feel kind of bad because I doubt that Mario feels that he has a connection with me. He probably doesn’t even think twice about the hostess from Planet Hollywood from all of those years ago. It’s weird, if I had the opportunity to meet him I wouldn’t cry or be all star struck. I don’t even consider myself a fan.